My Hardest Goodbye
by TennBlueBelle
Summary: Not much closure was given when Kitty's chose to leave. You know it was a hard goodbye & a difficult decision to throw away all those years. She didn't have much choice. She knew it would be better for them in the end. Memories were all she took, she left everything & everyone in Dodge. The poem touches on that choice & the dark days that followed. A quick stroll down memory lane..


Only a few days have past, though they seem as mere minutes. I had to leave. I had to save what was left of me. It's was some time ago, but you once rescued me. You gave me life... You gave me hope. I thought I was living, but in the last days... I was slowly dying. That's when I needed you, when I needed saving. I tried fighting for it, fighting for your heart. I gave you mine, but yours was torn in two parts. A constant battle between me and a silver star. I won the half that belonged to me... It held our memories... It held our dreams. At first, I didn't mind sharing you. I accepted you would never fully be mine. As I aged, the half I never won caused resentment between the two... It cause the end of me and you.

I sit here in silence... I sit here in darkness. The sun is shining, but its rays are hidden from me. I sit here alone... I sit here in wonder. My mind recalls the past, it recalls the memories made to last. Memories of a life we built and a love we shared. I lay my head back and close my eyes. The numbness fades. Times of joy and times of pain, flash before me and tears fall like rain. It's the only time I feel alive. I think of you and my heart beats again.

I walk down memory lane... I do this from time to time. It helps me heal... It helps me feel. I see your face, I feel your touch. It's a comfort I miss so very much. I've waste my days, laughing the tears away. I force a smile, I hide my heartache. You would be gone for days on end... leaving me alone to wait again. It's when I'm alone, I feel lost. I've lost my way... I've lost my will. You left and I lost my mind.

For days, my eyes have been shut... How can I move forward when the past can't be forgotten? I walk down memory lane... I open my blinded eyes. I'm surrounded by trees. The wind blows through their branches, and the birds start to sing. They sing a song of joy, they sing a song of happiness. Butterflies hover... a garden reflects their beauty. The sun shines... flowers bloom and my heart is warm. I walk through the garden and smell their fragrance; an intoxicating aroma. There's an empty bench at the end of the path... I sit and think. I find myself weak and tired... I find myself ragged and worn.

In my mind, the garden's colors fade. The flowers wither away... The sky turns grey. The wind picks up and the birds disappear. A storm cloud comes and the rain falls hard. I can't move from the bench. I can not move or wish it away. A vision of you appears... you're standing at a cliff and lose your balance. You fall but catch yourself. You're holding on, dangling over the edge. I run to you. I grab your hand. I look in your eyes. You pull me down with you... I wake just before I hit the ground.

I jolt up... I'm in darkness once more. I let out a sigh. I close my eyes and float back to the garden... to the bench. I look around... flowers are blooming, birds are singing. You are sitting next to me. It's a feeling I can't explain... It's a feeling I don't want to lose... It's a feeling I miss every waking day. We smile and look at each other. Our eyes are talking, but we sit in silence.

Down memory lane... Things are easy to remember and harder to forget. You've made it a wonderful place... a place to recall, a place to discard. I come here to find you... I come here to see you... It's too often I suppose. I come here to grieve, I come here to mend... I relive the love I solemnly chose. I come here to listen, I come here to learn. I wonder if I waited too long or not long enough. You may be the addiction I hate, but here... you are the one who waits.

I remember the good times, I remember the trying times... I remember the laughter, I remember the tears. I remember our firsts, I remember our lasts... our first kiss, our first secret... our first fight, our first apology... our first break-up, our first make-up... our first encounter and our last goodbye.

As we sit on this bench, in a garden, my mind has created, I can't help but want you. I want you in my life, I want you in my arms... I want near me, I need your touch. Your hand cradles my face and your lips find mine. Though it's in my mind, your kiss still feels like lightning... when you kiss me, a storm surges beneath my skin... I close my eyes. When I open them, sadness in your eyes... a sadness I have caused. It hurts, but I don't feel extremely guilty. I know that feeling all too well. I gave it my all... I gave myself to you. I walk down memory road to remind me of that.

I open my eyes. The room is dark. I can't see anything anyway... just feel. I feel empty, I feel broken once more. Loneliness mocks me... it comforts me, but it's slowing killing me. Reluctantly, I tell myself this will pass... I tell myself it gets easier. The past is the past, what's done is done. The memories let me know it wasn't a dream... these tears let me know I'm human... the pain in my heart lets me know our love was real.

When I look back, I know it was real. It was a beautiful mess, it was a splendid adventure. I would do it again, I would relive every moment. My life changed when I met you, it changed when I left you. Pain was expected... but suffering was a choice. I guess we'll never know if it was right or if it's all in vain... but this choice I've made, just caused more pain.

At night I lay here, while world is fast asleep. Tears fill my eyes, I wipe them from my cheek. Remembering you is easy, you are a heartache I can't forget. Life will go on, but it will never be the same. Removing you from my heart is the most difficult task, but... just like our eyes, our hearts have a way of adjusting to the dark past. It's hard to forget someone who gave me so much to remember... A love so true, a heart so tender.

I walk down memory lane... I smile when you meet me there. It's the only place we can be together again... It's the only place for a love this rare.


End file.
